Q: I swear, I must have pushover tattooed on my forehead. I am not one to complain. I hate confrontation. I hate telling people anything that might upset them. But dang....my neighbor told me about a week and a half ago that her kid's summer camp was going to be over on that Friday and asked if I could watch her 3 yr old daughter the next week. She said that she would probably have it taken care of the next week, but she needed my help that one week. Well, that week came and went and this morning she called and asked me if I was going to be able to watch her today. I told her I guess so. She left her with her 11 yr old son until I was ready for her to come to my house. Around 2 I told them that she was ok to come down. It is 6:15 and I still have her. I know that her dad gets off work at 5 and her mom usually gets off around 5. She can get off if she needs to. My son's bday is tomorrow and I have lots of stuff to do but I can't do them with a 3 yr old. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. If I was getting paid to take care of the back talking toddler, I might have a little more patience,but I'm not getting a cent. What the heck should I do? I don't want to ruin a friendship over this. I just can't do 3 year olds anymore. I'm use to the independence. My kids take care of themselves. I'm sorry for bugging anyone by being in the wrong place...I actually put it in the Friendship part under Relationship, but I guess somehow because it has Tattoo in the title, it was put here. But thank you to the people who understood what I was talking about.
A: I believe you'd get more answers if you posted this in the correct section. This is the tattoos section. But my mom has this problem. You've got to be firm! Stand up for yourself, respect yourself, and get some confidence. Stand up straight, be assertive, dress to kill, and stop saying you'll do people favors. If you respect yourself and have confidence in yourself, people won't think that they can push you over. Start prioritizing! You come first. Then your kids and family. Don't watch another kid on your son's birthday!!! What are you doing? If you let that woman guilt trip you into watching the kid, you are doing yourself a disservice not to mention your son. Your family is getting the short end of the stick. Just tell the woman it is your son's birthday and you need to be with your family. Tell her you cannot watch the kid anymore unless you are being paid, because it has become a full time job. This is ridiculous, and you are letting it happen. Stand up! It's not confrontation, it's being assertive and not being a pushover. You need to start practicing! As the daughter of a pushover, I can't stand seeing how people treat my mom. They think they can ask her to do anything. And she will. She resents it, but she does it. And it's all because of the way she carries herself and acts. I'm a confident person. People would never, ever ask me to do things or talk to me the way they talk to her. It's because she lets them. She watches people's kids, drives people to the mechanic, helps people find their lost dogs. Some of the time it's just neighborly stuff, but sometimes people really abuse it and treat her like a slave. Now that I'm grown up and don't live with her it's not as much of a problem for me, but it was awful! You have no idea how many times other people and their problems came before me and my siblings, just because she couldn't say no. It was terrible to see how comfortable people were asking my mom to do their chores, but it was also hurtful to me that my mom chose to do those things rather than spend time with me. I know that this is a psychological issue, but still. It hurts when your mother is there for others more than she is for you. If you let yourself become the human kleenex, your whole family suffers. You have to be willing to do what it takes to be there for your family, and yes, that includes confrontation. There is also a difference between a friend and a user. If your neighbor is your friend, she will understand. If your neighbor is just using you, then maybe your "friendship" will be ruined. In that case, you never had a friend in her. You were just a convenient person to get to watch the kid.